I've really been loving connecting with moms and watching Ramona interact with kids this past week.  How sweet was his desire to stare at Ramona in her stroller rather than the zoo animals, and his goodbye kisses to us, too.  Little Beckett at the zoo the other day wanted Ramona to get up and play with him, not quite understanding the concept of not being able to walk (at two, he's so over that!).  And Aldie, letting the baby suck on his special doll "Baby," while his sister began and ended many sentences with "bee-bee wa-mo-na!"  I'm grateful for the way that working as a doula has provided me with a community of  families whom I can learn from.  We all work it out for ourselves, but we can certainly all share our tricks and struggles and joys.  It's easier that way. 

Yesterday I went to the  Renton Farmer's Market and  got 3 for $5 organic veggies --  lettuce for me, and golden beets and purple carrots which I steamed, pureed and froze  in cubes for baby food.  I'm putting my "wedding" present from dear friends to good use.  Thanks, guys.  I'm so happy that I'm actually making this happen.  In the winter when she's starting to eat, there will be many tastes of summer waiting for her. 

What does it mean, really, to say that you are proud?  I can be proud of my own accomplishments without question.  I can be proud of my child, as I contribute greatly to who she becomes.  But when I have less ownership, can I claim pride?  Talking to a friend the other night who's making big, good life changes, I wanted to tell him that I'm proud of him.  But do I have that right?  I didn't do anything to contribute; I'm just watching him find his way down his best path.  There needs to be another word that communicates the heart-swelling joy of "pride" without the ownership the word implies. 

Jamie and I have talked about how he doesn't get gay pride.  "You didn't do anything to make you gay, and being gay is not an accomplishment like climbing a mountain.  So, pride?"  I've told him that it's about refusing to be ashamed for who we are; and the opposite of shame is pride.  He still wants to argue semantics, and I understand how someone who has never struggled to come out could fail to understand this concept.  Again, we need more words. 

And then there's the sin of pride.  Well, I don't plan on being damned for taking joy in my accomplishments, my ability to achieve my goals, the progress of my child as she grows, or the successes of the people I love.  For now, I'll be proud of myself on my journey, proud to be queer, proud of Ramona and proud of my friends, and stop worrying about whether pride is the right word for it.